Telephone Consultation

I had a telephone consultation with my GP recently. At one point during the conversation, she started explaining something in lay terms i.e. no medical jargon. She did it really well, if I wasn’t medically trained, I would have understood everything she was saying. Whilst she was talking I wondered whether I should let on that I was a medic as well so she that she wouldn’t need to make as much of an effort, but I didn’t.

I thought it’d make the situation awkward and I didn’t want to throw her off. If she’d known she was speaking to someone like me before she dialled my number, she probably would have communicated accordingly. I don’t know much about this GP so it’s possible she may not have even batted an eyelid. A few of my colleagues have been in situations where they’ve had to put in cannulas in consultants (who’ve been patients) and it’s made them extremely nervous. I can imagine feeling the same. It would feel like you’re being tested on your ability to perform, like being in an OSCE situation but instead of doing it on a dummy, you’re being asked to do it on the examiner. No pressure.

I also didn’t want judgement. I can imagine patients might feel like they’re being told off if they smoke or if they’re overweight. Now, I’m the one seeking someone else’s insight and following their instructions. I didn’t want her to think ‘you should know this, you’re a doctor’.

Once, I was speaking to a patient’s daughter and I was explaining the blood test result. I was trying to do it in really simple terms and half way through she told me she was a nurse. It threw me a bit. I felt slightly embarrassed like I’d been caught patronising her which wasn’t what I intended. I just assumed, like most of the people I come across, that they would have minimal medical knowledge.

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8th February 2017

Photo by Robert Zunikoff on Unsplash

Wasn’t one of my best days at work (I’ve been having a run of bad days). There’s been an issue that’s been causing a bit of tension between me and 2 of my colleagues since around December. Finally, after avoiding the issue, we decided we’d get together and discuss it on Monday.

It’s been a source of anxiety for me and I’m not sure why. Every time I think about the topic and the fact that it’s still unresolved, I would get a churning feeling pretty much automatically. I would randomly think about it whilst doing other things and try brace myself for that feeling. It passes quickly but it just compounds the issue, making it feel worse than it should do.

We finally decided to talk about it today (Wednesday) especially as our meeting on Monday fell through (which didn’t help my anxiety because I was sitting around for 20 minutes gearing myself up for it). So early afternoon, we found a quiet spot and discussed it. Argued is probably a better way of putting it

Things got heated pretty quickly. I’m not the kind of person to start arguments if I can avoid it, especially at work, but I wasn’t prepared to back down on something I felt strongly about. Do I regret that we couldn’t work it out there and then, yes. Do I regret that things turned sour, yes. I can apologise for those things but I won’t apologise for what I feel is right. I could have been calmer in the situation.

I think my colleagues are being unreasonable. But I can see quite clearly from their side they think the same thing about me. Which is fine, we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

And in some ways, I feel better for getting it off my chest. But my mind is still replaying the scene in my head, going over all the things I said, all the things they said. I suspect things are about to get very awkward.

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7th February 2017


I got a telling off. It was done in such a gentle way, I couldn’t tell who was more uncomfortable me or the consultant.

He basically said that he’d had reports that I hadn’t been answering my bleep and that I was frequently non-contactable which meant the registrars and the SHO were being bleeped instead. And that this was also affecting patients getting discharged.

I appreciate that he needed to have a word with me because that is a real issue. If the registrars are continuously being hounded because no one can reach me then that’s going to stop them getting on with their own jobs. I see why it needs addressing.

However, my issues are that:-

1) I’m essentially being accused of something without no one giving me the benefit of doubt and

2) I do answer my bleep. Period. Whenever my bleep goes off, I answer it as soon as I can. Even if I’m having lunch. If I’m bleeped whilst in the middle of a task that I can’t stop, then I call back. Honestly, there have been times where I’ve forgotten but those situations don’t even happen that regularly.

3) I’m almost always free. There are so many times when I’m not doing anything and I’m literally looking for tasks to do, why would I then ignore my bleep and continue doing nothing. I’m literally typing this at work, in between getting data from an audit I’ve asked for. All because there is nothing to do. There were 3 patients on the ward round and they’re all being discharged which means no jobs. I really can’t stress how annoying this whole situation is.

Not being given the benefit of doubt paints me out to be a bad F1. And to be told off as an adult is humiliating. But if it was something I knew I’d been doing, I’d consider this a warning and act right. But I’m at loss as to what to do next. I feel like I’ve been found guilty and I’m the only one that thinks I’m innocent.

One of the registrars did mention it to me 2/3 times back in the beginning of the placement but I had my bleep changed and I thought that had resolved the issue. I was surprised to have this be brought up again. I’d expected the registrar or the SHO to have cornered me and asked why I wasn’t answering my bleep. But none of them said anything. Why wouldn’t they say anything? At least that would have made me aware that there was a problem.

And if a patient falls ill and I’m “non-contactable” then it becomes a safety issue which is potentially serious.

And to top it all off he said something about another issue which made me highly suspicious that this may all be driven by one of the registrars who I’m sure hates me.

So, I’m essentially on a mission to prove my innocence because everyone obviously thinks that I’m in the wrong which I think is overwhelmingly unfair.

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How Donald Trump Becoming President Has Motivated Me

If anyone had told me, in 2015, that Donald Trump would be the next American president, I wouldn’t have believed them. Before the whirlwind of the general election, I knew little about Donald Trump. I knew he was a celebrity and that he had a reality show called The Apprentice. In my mind, he was like an American Alan Sugar (who’s on the UK version). I’d never seen him in any interviews or even paid any attention to anything he did, so I never really formed an opinion about him.

All of this changed when he put himself forward as a candidate; then he was all over the news. But again I wasn’t paying much attention. 2016 was a mix of studying for finals, planning an 8 week trip abroad, preparing for F1 amongst other things. My mum would be my filter and fill me in on the latest shocking Trump related incident.

I was amused. This guy couldn’t be president surely? Amusement turned to shock.

I still cannot even fathom how he’s done it. How do you get from no political experience to president of the United States of America?

My mind is still trying to understand it, but it made me think: how many things do I think are out of the realms of possibility?  How many ideas have I pushed aside because I’m unable to envision their reality? It’s made me more motivated to take risks and try things out but to also be conscious on how I go about it. I want to experience amazing opportunities  but through the right means. I want to be able to be proud of the journey as well as the outcome.


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February Already

It’s February already. How did that happen? We celebrated New Year’s Day 5 minutes ago and now we’re 1/12th of the way to the next one. Time is going by quickly and it’s making me wonder whether or not I’m making the most of it.

All throughout medical school I struggled with time management. If there was an hour between one session and another, I just wouldn’t know what to do with myself and I’d end up doing a whole load of nothing.

And now I’m facing the same issue. I have a lot of free time, especially around the middle of the day, yet I still seem to be falling into bad habits. I could use the opportunity for self-study but I don’t. I take long lunches with the other F1s and just generally coast until half 4.

What do I end up achieving, nothing. I could do so much more. I could be focusing on actually getting a case report done, or on this blog. There’s no point me sitting around all day, only to try to squeeze in some writing before bed time.

So, it all comes down to discipline and motivation. I want to do more than what I’m doing right now. By putting this out there, I’m hoping I’m making myself more accountable. I think some of us need that extra motivation. We’re starting to get comfortable because that buzz of the new year has died down. Imagine though, how much more we could achieve if we kept it up the whole year round.

Here’s to February.

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