Less Than 1%

So, last month was the time for applications. I spoke about it before here. The end of November was the deadline for all applications to be submitted. All anyone was talking about were exams or applications. I got swept up in the sense of urgency and with all that energy, I started feeling a little unsettled. I was watching everyone else running around, making decisions and it felt like I was missing out on something.

Some of the other F2s encouraged me to apply, and then defer a place later on. And that’s when I realised that not even 1% of me wanted to. Will I regret it later? I don’t know. But I know I’ve made the right decision based on how I feel at this point in time.

I think what made me anxious, is not having any sort of plan or direction for the next year. And I love direction. It’ll be the first time that I’ll be free to choose, without the constraints of time or any other pressures.

There are some ideas, but at present, it’s all disjointed. I want to travel, I want to write, I want to move to a different area in the country, but I also want to move to a different country. How do I make it all fit?

It’s all unclear. I just need some clarity to figure out what it is that I want and I’m just wary of wasting time. I don’t want to be 5 months into my F3* and be watching reruns of friends on the sofa.

Although, that actually doesn’t sound all that bad.

*colloquial term to describe a gap in training taken after foundation programme (F1 and F2) is completed.

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