Several weeks ago I told my supervisor I was feeling a little worn down. I wrote about it here. I was still feeling pretty disillusioned by the last 8 months in 2 bad placements. My supervisor wrapped up the meeting by asking to meet with me for another review.
Fast forward a few weeks and I sat down with her again. This time, I was in a much better head space and I was adjusting to GP. I remembered from our last meeting, she’d briefly mentioned the option of going less than full time. I already went into this meeting knowing in my head that I wanted to finish F2. But I thought it’d also be good to hear some options.
I let her know that I was feeling differently about medicine and she told me if I quit, it would all be a waste. It was the kind of encouragement I was expecting. I’ve learnt to keep my expectations low. I might have been a bit more disheartened if I genuinely thought that she may have answers for me. But from all my Googling I didn’t come up with any encouraging solution. So again I wasn’t surprised.
I mentioned this on a different forum and someone mentioned that my educational supervisor was unlikely to be impartial. That makes sense, especially considering that I’ll also be working in her department for my last placement. Finding a locum to replace me would be hard, expensive and inconvenient.
But it just makes me wonder then, who’s looking out for me? It would be nice to discuss this with a senior colleague who genuinely cared about my best interests. I’ve found it difficult to form those types of relationships in medicine, what with the constant moving around. Even my current supervisor is new.
I’ve found a lot of comfort reading blogs online. The internal validation I get when I come across something that expresses what I feel or gives practical advice is helpful beyond belief. Which is part of the reason why I write: 1) because I enjoy it and 2) I hope someone else finds it even a little bit useful.