The Final Few…

Like the final moments before the end of a marathon, I’m just trying to sprint*. I’m running, I’m keeping my head down and getting on with the job. Yep, I can do that. Yes, that’s fine, I’ll do it. The finish line is in sight and I’m so nearly there. If I can just make it through this placement on a good note, that’ll be a success. Anything potentially annoying, I just smile and move on. I’m so, so close. Just a few days left. I’m just praying I can sail through the last few shifts hassle free.

I’ve been telling myself to ‘grin and bear it’ for the last several weeks, but the penultimate days have been the hardest. Only because I’m yearning to dive into the sweet release of annual leave. I can almost picture it which makes me even more desperate for it to arrive sooner. Like now. Alas, patience is required.

Towards the end of this placement, I’d already decided to cut my losses and just get on with the job. The idea that this rotation would live up to the last one in terms of the relationships I’d built with my team was unrealistic. I’m just happy to survive it all with a fewer scars as possible.

* (At least, that’s what I assume happens.)

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Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.

I’ve piled on a lot of expectations, all with good intentions, but now I’m struggling with constantly falling short. My goals aren’t outlandish, they’re the same old ‘eat healthier, drink more water’ mixed in with other less standard stuff like ‘write two blog posts a week’.

I don’t help myself though, because I complicate things. Take eating healthier as an example: I look up a few new recipes (which alone probably takes a few hours) and try make them all on the same day. Too much, too quickly. I’m not that great a cook, so why am I suddenly trying to make Michelin star meals on a Sunday. Because even if I can manage to do it once, I can’t do it every week. I can’t sustain that. Currently, I have around 5 cookbooks from the library all siting in a dusty corner of my room. The idea of flicking through one of them, rushing to the store to get the ingredients and then the disappointment of it not looking anything like the picture, exhausts me to the point where I give up, temporarily.

But It’s what I do. It’s the same with blogging. I wanted to change it so I got a new blog and I became obsessed with making it perfect and doing all the right things. Then I became overwhelmed and had to take a step back.

It’s a cycle. Excitement, overexert, fall back, begin again. In a weird way, it means I don’t really give up because I usually always start again, but it isn’t an ideal way to approach anything.

I think the best way forward for me is simplifying my goals. If it starts to feel like too much hard work I know that I’ll abandon it. Particularly if I’m taking on several things at the same time. So, that’s what I’m working towards: simplifying.

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